Recently God has been teaching me a TON about male/female relationships. I don’t even pretend to know a whole lot. Just check out my history…super inappropriate/unhealthy rel. with boys in high school. In college tried to figure out who I was. Became a Christ follower. Rode the fence for a year before taking the plunge into faith. Since then I have tried to remain pure before the Lord – not only in actions, but thoughts and motives as well. After college I was always really involved with different ministries, had a ton of guy friends, and didn’t really date ever. I kind of had this unspoken “rule” or standard that I wasn’t interested in dating until it was the real deal. You see, I had already messed up so much that I wasn’t about to go giving my heart out only to have it ripped out of my chest and crushed…again. Not blaming anyone, it’s totally a two way thing, but I just knew that I wasn’t about to go messing around anymore. What was the point? Really, I was praying for my husband. I wanted to get to know him and not a bunch of other yahoos. Not that men are yahoos, just saying. Thus began the journey of single hood. Little did I know that little “rule” of mine would be taken seriously by God. No guys even persued me! Ha. At times I thought it was pretty cool, I didn’t even have to worry about it. Other times I thought, “What is WRONG with ME?” Knowing full well I had actually prayed this into being…Lord, I don’t want to date or get involved with anyone unless he is my hubby. It’s okay if you think my ideas or convictions are a bit wack, I’ve heard it all. Really I don’t care, because we all have different opinions on the matter, yes even Christians, especially Christians. So, it’s okay if you are starting to question my ability to reason…I probably think you ideas on the matter are a bit out of sync too, I still love you. We can agree to disagree, eh?
Back to the story. In a way I have felt that I have been “hidden”. Really, since moving to Cairo I have not even had much interaction with men my own age that I would even consider friends. You would have to understand Cairo to hear me on this one. Don’t get me wrong there are some wonderful men in this community too. I am not doggin’ on them. God is truly raising them up and doing a new thing with Fathers and Brothers in this place. When I first moved to town I was appalled at the way men would stare, cat call, say TOTALLY inappropriate things to us out of town women. “Did he just say that out loud?” I mean come on, who were all these white attractive young women coming in from out of town. Again, you must understand that we stick out like crazy – the population is ONLY about 3,000 (the size of my high school) and everyone knows everyone, not many young adults, and not many whites (80% African American and the white population is mostly elderly). We just plain stick out. At first, interacting with the community, the men, I just wanted to punch them. I mean, who do they think they are? I couldn’t believe some of the things they said out loud. Then I remembered that I had to love them. How in the WORLD do you show the love of Christ without being “too nice” and giving them the wrong idea. Seriously, check out this little story…
One of my good friends had just moved to Cairo (this was before I even got here). She is a friendly person and likes meeting new people, esp. in her new community. While at the grocery store she meets this young man (about her age – a bit younger). They begin to chat about Cairo and why she is here (for MISSION WORK). She invites him over to the house, they only live a block away, to meet her roommate and chat about Cairo. I mean, she just moved in, she wants to know more about the place, the people…totally innocent right?!? He gets to the house and after a bit of chatting he seems confused. He honestly thought that she invited him over for some type of weird sexual escapade. WTH?!?! Okay, ladies, does this make any sense? Guys, what were you thinking? Probably NOT THIS! Unless your mind is totally in the gutter, in which case I will pray for you. That’s what I’m dealin’ with here.
Understand this…since we have moved into town (I have been here 3.5 years) things have changed quite a bit. The men look at us a bit differently. We passed the test. Usually some of the men in town are taking bets as to who can sleep with the newbies first, how long it will take to get them into bed…that sort of thing. We of course didn’t fall into this trap and they now respect us…kind of look at us as sisters. I have seen much growth in this area. For them and me. I have learned to be bold in the love of Christ and also in standing up for myself. One time while serving a meal at the Kitchen Table (with the Nuns) I had a guy totally hitting on me and giving me those “I want to sleep with you eyes”. After composing myself, I just told him to quit.
“What?”
“You know what. Stop treating me like that. I am a woman of God, and you are NOT going to talk to me like that. Show repsect in this place.”
He looked at me sobered. I think he was in shock that a white woman would just give it to him like that.
Before he left, I told him the potential he had in Christ and the freedom he could experience from all his addictions. Not sure if he heard that part, but he has respected me since.
Ladies, be bold. Don’t be a beyotch, just be bold and stand up for yourself. Love them with the love of Christ. Pray for them. God will give you wisdom on how to deal/communicate in a SPirit of love and not frustration, hate, or bitterness. Trust me, this has been quite the journey. I’m still on it.
This is getting a bit long, there is much more to share…
Healing
Forgiveness
Redemption
Reconciliation
New Beginnings
I am honestly praying about writing a book on the topic of male/female relationships…singleness…purity…marriage. NOt that there aren’t enough books out there ont his, but I think it is more for my healing process and journey. Cool. Thanks for listening my friends. If you have any questions or comments I am usually open for discussion. Hit me back a comment or email if it is more personal: heathercarn@gmail.com
*Anyone interested in being my editor?
Forgive me for posting that video, I honestly didn’t watch it, just wanted the song on here…yikes!
My classroom called life...Kingdom lessons 
I’ll be your editor fo sho. I am the most critical perfectionistic person ever and your book will sell billions of copies. Everyone in the world will buy at least 3. (I actually can’t promise either of those…)
As for dating, I am with you 100%. I get so disappointed with humankind over this issue. Most girls my age seem to have their mind on one thing, and it involves diamonds. Most guys seem to have their mind on one thing, and it doesn’t involve diamonds if they can help it.
It makes it hard to have real relationships with anyone, when they guys are chasing the girls and the girls only want that thing.
Yes, you can help me edit Paul! That would be wonderful, and I know you have a critical eye for that kind of thing. Which is what an editor does! Perfect.
I agree with your comment about dating…must be difficult being a Christian in high school with such strong convictions. I mean, I wasn’t a Christain in high school (although I thought I was) and it was hard enough.
Reminds me of that Lauren Hill song…”That thing”
“Some guys, some guys are only about that thing, that thing, that thi-ing. Some girls, some girls, are only about that thing, that thi-ing….” I love Lauren Hill. She actually became a sold out Christian! I should write a blog about her…maybe I will right now!
Bye